The No Shame Zone

October 16, 2018 // by Paula Bohland

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” ―Christopher K. Germer

My father has a “green thumb”. His plants and garden are lovely. Guess what he does every day? He loves his plants.

While he is tending to them, pruning and watering he speaks to the plants about their blooms, their fragrance, and state of health. His words are always tender and coaxing. I have never heard him ask any plant why they are not growing as fast as another or why the plant looks different than the others. He simply celebrates each plant while coaxing its growth, health and well- being along. No wonder the plants thrive, we all thrive in that environment.

In my daily coaching practice, I hear about the dreams and aspirations people have for themselves. It is lovely to hear and I often imagine their process as a flower that will bloom.

The sad part of this is often in during the sharing of dreams, desires, aspirations I hear people comparing themselves to others, saying negative things about their progress and bodies. I hear sadness and depression centering around the concern that they “cannot get it right”. I also hear stories of attempts for success being sought through self-flagellation, exhaustive and sometimes unhealthy eating and/or physical and mental exercise practices.

Somehow, we have gotten the message that we will prosper quickly or more efficiently when we shame and judge ourselves into blooming. I lived this for years, especially with my weight loss attempts. After telling myself I was ugly, no good and dumb I would starve myself or drink only coffee for a few days until I lost weight. Despite the short term feeling of accomplishment and physical success this formula was always destined to fail. I wound up in the same pattern, same negative messages, and felt worse each time. I know from experience that this cycle does not work.

Let us return to the analogy of the plant who is process of growing and appreciate that process for ourselves like a proud gardener. Daily care, an attitude of respect for who we are and expectation for our development, coupled with love will allow us to prosper. In my practice, I call this the “No Shame Zone”. I invite you to join me and others as we redefine our goals and aspirations living in the zone.

Join Paula in the “Love your Life, Love your Body” program beginning on November 2nd and take the journey into the “No Shame Zone” as you revive your life, release weight and love the process. Click here and get a free session!

Paula Bohland

Paula Bohland, MSW is an award winning motivational speaker, author, blogger, consultant, and coach who specializes in personal and business development.
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